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PorchDrinking Playlist | Heartache

PorchDrinking Playlist | Heartache
Danny King

Valentine’s Day is over and winter is coming to an end. We have officially left “Engagement Season,” a made-up period of time around the holidays where the diamond industry tries to trick you into spending all of your money when their markup is at it’s highest, and we’ve now entered “Breakup Season,” a totally real period of time when your boyfriend or girlfriend decides to shed off their significant other so that they have enough time to “get in shape for summer.” That means some of us here in the PorchDrinking world are likely to experience some heartache.

Those people will be sitting around, moping, eating junk food, making sock people out of the socks he left at their place, crying when they find one of her old brushes in their bathroom cabinet (and then brushing their own hair with it,) reading old chat messages, posting pictures of his tiny dick on the internet (sorry guys, I got REALLY into Rachel Bloom this winter — are you watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend? You should be, it’s hilarious), and possibly drinking irresponsibly. Which, as we know, Helen Mirren does not want you to do.

We at, being the generous souls that we are, are therefore providing you with a playlist to speed you through the Kubler-Ross Model, more commonly known as the 5 stages of grief. No one wants to dwell in all of that emotional baggage. After all, you’re free now too. You need to get ready for all of the craft beer festivals this spring, where (if you’re lucky) you’ll find the new love of your life — be they human or saison.

Here you’ll find songs for denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. Mainline this playlist with a drink or two and get yourself together. You don’t want to be dealing with this heartache years and years from now (like Rebecca on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Seriously guys. Monday on CW. They aren’t even paying me, I just want this show to have the ratings it deserves. Check your local listings.)

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