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Holiday Buyer’s Guide

Holiday Buyer’s Guide
Nik Heimach


Ever look around and wonder, “Man, I wish companies would market their products more.  I never know what to buy come the holidays…” Of course you haven’t!  We live in a hyper-advertised world, you hooligan!  In a capitalist society, the holiday question has become not “what” to buy, but “which” to buy.

Oh the Joy!

But fear not, dear reader.  With the consumer bonanza that is Black Friday and Cyber Monday at our doorstep, we at Porchdrinking figured you may need a nudge in the right direction.  Here’s a Holiday Buyer’s guide to help make consumer chaos a little more manageable, and you a little more cool.  Not that you need it or anything…


Beer Making Kit: $25 – $125

A tenet for beer enthusiasts everywhere, beer making kits are a fun way to try your hand at brewing.  Play the alchemist of taste and impress your friends with special variations of old-school recipes.  Who knows, maybe you’ll end up turning a hobby into a business.  PS – Let us review you!




The Butler: $170

It’s pricey, but The Butler will give your home an upper in hipster or chic points.  This wooden wall-mount can hold your scarf, wallet, keys, hat, and horn-rimmed glasses, all while charging your phone.  Quick, get it before it becomes popular.


Moleskine Evernote Smart Notebook: $25

For the traditionalists struggling between physical writing and digitized typing, consider the Evernote.  On the outside, it’s a regular notebook, but the special pages are meant for easy transfer from your page to the digital realm.  Just take a picture of your notes, and they are automatically uploaded and organized within your digital devices.




Smart Phone: iPhone 5 – $200, Galaxy S III – $200, Lumia 920 – $100

With the new slew of smart phones hitting stores, how can you be expected to chose beyond brand loyalty?  You can’t.  Apple’s iPhone is the overall best, Samsung’s Galaxy is the best Android, and Nokia’s Lumia is the best Windows 8 phone.  Pick your poison.

Snowboard/Ski bottle rack:  $58 – $78

For all you mountain folk, it’s time to class up your wine rack.  Oh, you don’t have a wine rack?  Then it’s time to class up your LIFE.  Choose your preferable winter activity, and make your friends “Ooo” and “Ahhh” at your seasonal sophistication.


GliderGloves Urban: $25

No longer are you forced to choose between tweeting and finger warmth!  GliderGloves feature special fingertip points that allow you to use your phone without having to slip off your toasty hand-warmers, making them an easy buy for anyone with a touch-screen.




Nest Thermostat: $250

I know, I know.  “Thermostats aren’t cool!” you say.  Well, you can control it with your smart phone, and it learns your preferable temperatures throughout the year, so…


Jawbone Big JamBox: $300

Yes, I know this list is getting expensive.  No, I don’t think you’re made of money.  But if you’re looking for superior audio quality from your mp3 device, Jawbone reigns supreme.  It wirelessly connects to your music player, boasts an 8 hour battery life, and fills the room with enough high quality sound that you’ll question whether or not a concert is the best musical experience.



Stone Drink Dispenser: $125

Turn that bourbon frown upside down and serve your friends in style.  Or beer frown.  Any liquid frown will do.  Just smile, won’t you?


Microsoft’s surface: $500

This is the first Microsoft product I’ve been excited about in a really long time.  In the days of Steve Jobs, Apple led the market in innovation, product design, and just plain cool functionality.  Unfortunately, Steve Jobs is no longer with us, and as a result, Apple competitors have had the opportunity to make up lost ground.  In a year where Apple has released the less than stellar iPad Mini, Microsoft is releasing this, and everything about it looks awesome.


Beer Soap: $50

Want to start every day with the aroma of fresh brew tingling your skin?  Of course you do.  Beer soap.





Not the Wii U: +$350

Save yourself some money.  The Wii U is Nintendo’s “next-gen” console, and it is going to bomb.  Remember how exciting the Wii was when you first bought it?  Remember how it sat on your shelf collecting dust a month later?  Take the Wii, strip it of the hype, and you have the Wii U, a console with current generation graphics, an awkward tablet controller, and all the games you’ve already played on your Xbox 360 or PS3.  Next year, Sony and Microsoft are set to announce their next-gen consoles, which are expected to blow our minds as well as our bank accounts.  Sorry Nintendo, but you’ve shot yourself in the foot.  Again.


In the meantime, get your gaming fix with Halo 4, Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, Assassin’s Creed 3, Dance Central 3, The Walking Dead: The Game (which is PHENOMENAL), Dishonored, or Borderlands 2.

Or, you could give the gift that keeps on giving…




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