Awards season is in full swing so we decided to ask our staff members if they had the opportunity to be recognized for an award, any award whatsoever, what would it be, why, and what would their acceptance speech sound like? This is what our group of crazies came up with. What award would you want to win? Share your thoughts in the comments section
Laura M: I would want to be nominated for a Golden Globe just so I could sit next to Adele at dinner- her speech was a hoot!
Plus, the GGs are the only awards show where they drink, which makes everything more interesting.
Will D: I would like to thank Beer. That is all.
Phil: Nathan’s hot dog eating contest. because… why not!? My acceptance speech wouldn’t matter, because I would be a hero. Regardless, I would probably be in the fetal position in a corner regretting everything about the decision.
Drew: Golden Globes would be the best ceremony to attend – they have tables, food, and alcohol, instead of making you sit in a row of seats in a theater. I would not pre-write a speech (bad luck and I’m not that cocky; people always look like jerks when they’re prepared). Instead I’d just get up there and rub it in the face of my sophomore English teacher who told me that I couldn’t succeed without better organizational skills.
Laura: Drew FTW!
Vic: I would just thank my mother for having the most baller son of all time, me.
CVM: Well, mine would be an Emmy, obviously (though I would totally have a flask and granola bars in my purse as I agree with Drew on that advantage of the Globes). It would be for either Best Comedy Series or Best Writing for a Comedy series. I would thank my parents and then would be so overwhelmed that I would just start thanking people I could see in the crowd. Everyone would find this charming, not weird.
Coit: Think it would have to be a Grammy for Best Album, because then I would have achieved what my idols, BigBoi and Andre300 achieved. My speech would mimic another idol of mine, Kanye West, in where I thank no one but myself, and constantly interrupt all other acceptance speeches with something about Beyonce. That was a lot of name dropping but…Jay-Z.
Nik: Since an EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony) cannot be won from a single awards show, I’d have to go for an Oscar for best actor in one of the new Star Wars movies coming out. I would play Han Solo’s son, and I would make the tears rain.
Lizzie: I would win a Tony and have Neil Patrick Harris sing Les Mis with me for my acceptance speech. It would go something like this:
And then I would turn him straight so we could have little Doogie Howser babies 🙂
Katie C: Any award is fine with me. And then I’d probably recite the speech given at the FilmActorsGuild Awards at the end of Team America.
Wouldn’t matter the award. My speech would go something like this:
There has been a great injustice that has gone unnoticed these past 25 years. Amidst an era plagued by steroid and scandal, an era of tainted records and stripped titles, the American people deserve justice. Put Pete Rose in Cooperstown! And God bless Uh-mer-i-cuh!