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Faking Adulthood | Hangover Cures

hangover breakfast

So, you’ve arrived in your 20s (or 30s or 40s… we’re not ageist here) and now it’s time to be an “adult.” Whatever that means, along with it comes this expectation that you suddenly, magically just know how to do things. Maybe you’ve led a life full of experiences already, or maybe Mom and Dad took care of everything for you as a kid and now you’re discovering that you don’t actually know how to function on your own; regardless, I’ll endeavor to find some key adult-type skills to help you at least pretend you’ve got your shit together. This week: hangover cures. (It just wouldn’t be fair of a beer blog to tell you about all the tasty drinks you can have without helping you to get through the next day.)

There are few things more harrowing as a young adult in a professional setting than having to go to an important meeting the morning after you indulged a little too much. This is not college where bed head, sunglasses and sweats were tolerated. Maybe you could have done without that last round, but the time has passed for making good decisions. Now all you can do is try to rid yourself of the throbbing in your head, the nausea, lethargy or whatever symptoms come along with your particular brand of hangover and move on with your day.

The way each person experiences a hangover varies, just as the modes of curing them vary. Cultures around the world have come up with their own hangover remedies, ranging from bull testicles to rabbit droppings, and there are a plethora of products all claiming they are just the thing to cure what ails you.

Try things until you find a method that works for you, but please, don’t show up a hot mess to work. It doesn’t make you look like you have a great social life anymore. It makes you look irresponsible. Personally, for those mornings after a night out with Jack, Jim or Jose, I tend to lean towards a combinations of “All the Liquids”, “Clean Up” and “Bring on the Bacon.”


All the Liquids

It is just what it sounds like. Order a glass of all the liquids you can if you’re at brunch, or if you’re at home scrounge whatever you can from the fridge. (This is of course, assuming that you’ve gotten good enough at being an adult that you actually have things in  your refrigerator to begin with.) Your body is super dehydrated after a night out, so you’re replenishing those fluids and giving yourself a quick boost with all sorts of vitamins. If you’ve got your pick, try coffee, OJ, water, and milk. Even though coffee can dehydrate you further, by drinking it alongside so many other liquids you’re at least giving yourself a fighting chance.

Bring on the Bacon

Craving a greasy breakfast? Go for it. Eating anything will jump start your metabolism and help to get the alcohol out of your system. Bacon specifically will help reduce your hangover and make you feel more focused as it introduces a load of amino acids into your system. It’s true. Our friends at Babbleout have plenty more cures.

Clean Up

If you smell like booze, you’re just going to keep smelling yourself—which means others can smell you too, and is never a good thing—and feeling sick all over again. If you’ve already gotten sick and you smell a little pukey that’s even worse. So force yourself out of bed a little early and into the shower. Whether it’s shockingly cold or not is your call.


This is similar to “All the Liquids” in that it’s about replenishing the nutrients you lost last night. Try keeping a few packets of Emergen-C in your desk at work, just in case. It will force you to drink more water, and give you a boost from the electrolytes and vitamins included in the powder.


Same as Multivitamins, exercise gets your metabolism going and pushes those nasty toxins out of your body faster. However, you may not have time to go for a run around the block in the morning before work, especially if you’re savoring every last second of sleep.

Green Veggies

Artichokes and asparagus, specifically. Artichokes will cut your nausea and make you feel less bloated—i.e. less sleepy and heavy—while asparagus will make you pee a lot and also is chock full of amino acids and minerals.

Check out a Hangover Clinic

Yep. They’re popping up in big cities across the country and will remedy you, for a price. Business Week profiles several such businesses.

Coconut Water

The latest craze in hangover cures, coconut water apparently makes you feel amazing because it contains such a high volume of antioxidants, which you use up when you stress your body out by drinking too much. Drink this one in the car or on bus on the way to work though; nothing says “I drank too much last night” like you rolling up with it in hand.

Stop Beating Yourself Up Over It

Yes, maybe you could have made better decisions last night. But haranguing yourself is not going to solve anything. In fact, it may be that the guiltier you feel, the worse your hangover is. Ultimately, you made a choice last night and hopefully you had a good enough time to validate how crappy you feel today.

What’s your go-to for the morning after?

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  1. Jason B

    They only get worse as you get older, but tomato juice is a staple in my cure all (with or without the vodka).

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