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Faking Adulthood | Frantic Speed Cleaning

Faking Adulthood | Frantic Speed Cleaning

Crap! People are coming over in 30 minutes and your apartment looks more like a hobbit hole than anything a human could inhabit. It’s bad enough if your friends have it relatively together—maybe they are married but don’t have kids, so their home is all crafty and hasn’t yet turned into a war zone— but if this is a potential love interest… well, there really is nothing like the fear that your crush will discover that you’re actually a horrible slob to make a girl go into a cleaning frenzy.

Regardless, you have a very limited amount of time to clean up and make your place look habitable before your guests arrive and discover your messy little secret. Here are some tips on frantic speed cleaning, from my own personal experience.


Step 1: Survey

Is there anything major to take care of first? Cat vomit/dog poop? Handle that first.

Step 2: De-Clutter

Gather all the clutter in the space your guests will see, and take it to where it actually belongs. Take the pile of dirty plates on your coffee table to the kitchen sink and clothes back to your room. If you have time, put things neatly away. Chances are you don’t, so find a place to stash that stuff where no one’s going to see it.

Step 3: Surface Cleaning

Now that you can see the surfaces in your apartment, bust out the disinfecting wipes and go to town. Give a quick wipe to any surface that someone might touch. Make sure you check the bathroom!

Step 4: Last Minute Touch-ups

With any spare time, do a quick once-over. If you have hardwood floor check to make sure there’s no noticeable debris. My cat is very messy with her litter box, so I almost always have to sweep before people come over. Any weird smells? Should you maybe light a candle? Last but not least, make sure you have toilet paper.

Once you’ve checked those little last minute things, take a seat, open a beer, and relax because you’re safe for now; no one’s going to know what a secret slob you really are.


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