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Awesomesauce- Suri’s Burn Book

Laura Mego

“Oh my god, Karen, you can’t just ask people why they’re white!”

“You smell like a baby prostitute”

“Is butter a carb?”

While there are MANY memorable things about the comedy gold that is Mean Girls (Tina Fey, I love you, let’s be best friends!) only one has spawned its own DIY, entry on Urban Dictionary and Tumblr—the Burn Book.

For those unfamiliar with the movie, (shame on you- go watch that movie RIGHT NOW, I’m embarrassed for you!) the Burn Book was a form of bullying that existed before everyone had unlimited texting plans (so, circa 2004.) The bible of the Plastics, it contained all of the nasty gossip, rumors, and dirt they could find on anyone they hated.

While the Burn Book will always spawn some memorable parties and holidays, my favorite Burn Book ripoff is Suri’s Burn Book—a Tumblr that takes celeb baby bashing to a whole new level.  Written from the viewpoint of a VERY opinionated Suri Cruise (or at least a really funny lady who works at a consulting firm in DC by day and blogs by night) Suri’s Burn Book opines on Suri’s peers- namely, every baby in Hollywood.

While most posts are laugh-out-loud funny, some of the best entries are those where “Suri” expresses her discomfort with the imminent arrival of those that she considers a credible threat to her Queen of the Celeb baby status- namely, Blue Ivy Carter (“This baby is going to be fashion-forward, wealthy and half-beautiful. I’m terrified. In situations like this, there’s only one thing you can do, and that is to pray it’s a boy”) and the new Baby Cambridge (“The Duchess of Cambridge told a guy who told reporters, ”I’d like to have a boy and William would like a girl.” That’s right, she wants a boy. I guess she finally figured out how difficult I can make things for her otherwise. Do not screw me on this, Kate.”)

Check out the Tumblr for yourself here, and writer Allie Hagen’s website here. Of course, you can follow Suri and her Burn Book on Twitter as well. Lastly, it looks like this popular Tumblr will now be a book, too—it’s on Amazon, if you’re interested.

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