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Beginners Guide to Watching the Super Bowl

PorchDrinking Sports

Lets face it, not everyone is an avid football fan. Heck even the most diehard football fanatics may not be fully into this game, and for good reason. For some, the Super Bowl can be considered a religious experience, and for most it’s an excuse for a Sunday Funday with mildy entertaining commercial breaks. But no matter what, you dont want to be that “guy” who ruins the party. I’ve comprised a list of do’s and don’ts to make sure you aren’t the odd one out while watching the Super Bowl.

Do’s 

Learn the basic rules of the sport- Its only cute explaining the rules up to a certain point. And if you don’t fully know the rules, don’t complain about a call. You’ll like like an idiot when you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.

Only ask questions during the local commercials- This means before the game starts, during that awkward half time period when the commercials arent good and after the games.

Cheer when others cheer- The best way to be inconspicuous when watching game you know nothing about is to lay low. But it’s also important to blend in by cheering when other are cheering.

Wear the colors- If you’re watching with a bunch of 49ers fans (San Francisco) wear red and gold. If you’re watching with Ravens fans wear purple and black.

Bring awesome food and beers to compensate for your lack of knowledge- If you bring an amazing bounty no one will care that you know absolutely nothing about the actual game. It’s your free pass… don’t skimp.

Show up before the game starts- No body likes catching up the slackers on the slew of commercials that have already played. Plus no one wants to hear you bitch when all that’s left is the french onion dip.

Take advantage of Sunday Funday. It is one of the rare sundays where it is openly acceptable to drink copious amounts of alcohol and binge on food. We’re talking mimosas and bloody’s in the morning and beer during the game. Enjoy it, just make sure you buck up for Monday morning. If anything you can stumble to your party with a half eaten pizza and you’ll be the life of the party.

Don’ts

Try to fake your way through talking about the game- Nothing is more annoying than someone pretending like they know what they’re talking about. It’s ok if you don’t know much about the teams, the game, the sport, just don’t pretend like you do.  You’ll be judged and mocked quietly by everyone else behind your back… unless you’re one of our friend in which case we’ll just openly shame you.

Claim to be an expert- Unless you played in the NFL or for a division 1 collegiate team, you are not an expert.

Question a ref or coaches’ decision unless you’re 100% certain- Instant replay is a very unforgiving and so are your more informed friends.

Bring a Doritos Locos 12 pack- seriously that stuff is gross, make something awesome yourself. Recipes do exist and so do KFC buckets.

Diss Beyonce- she is the modern day Marilyn… a goddess… a saint, say my name say my name.

Talk during the commercials-  Seriously DO NOT TALK DURING COMMERCIALS.  #1 Rule… Do. Not. Talk. During. Commercials (unless its the local ones)

 

 

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