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PorchDrinking Playlist | Having Kids

Living With Children

Are you thinking about having kids? Parenting is one of the most beautiful, rewarding, alcoholism-inducing jobs you can have, but they don’t even pay you for it. NOTHING. Well…there is that tax break, but it doesn’t quite cover the costs. If raising children was a business, your ledger would always be in the red.

Luckily, there are plenty of non-monetary upsides to having kids. They are snuggly, weird creatures whose love and adoration far outweighs the havoc they create. Cuddling makes you forget the back-talk. Their strange pronunciation of words allows you to overlook the minor property damage. Kisses make the lack of sleep seem less terrible. There is, however, one thing that I’m unable to overlook: children’s entertainment.

Sure. I enjoy a good animated movie as much as the next guy. Frozen was good the first time. It is not as good the 50th time. Moana is a wonderful film until your kids start watching it every day. Don’t even get me started on the more generic content. It is constantly bouncing around in your head—inevitably you will find yourself singing it to yourself at work. You’ve never known an ear worm until you’ve met a GiggleBellies song.

If you and your partner are thinking about having kids, I have one piece of advice. You should put this playlist on repeat and listen to it for no less than four hours. This will be your life for at least five years. You’re going to need a couple of beers. I guarantee it.

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