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The Dark Knight Rises to Fill His Beer Fridge

The Dark Knight Rises to Fill His Beer Fridge
Nathan Tapp

Bruce Wayne is a billionaire playboy (Tony Stark has dibs on “philanthropist”) who enjoys putting on black tights and gallivanting as a masked vigilante known as the Batman. Despite dealing with the same gallery of rogues day in and day out, the Dark Knight continues to follow his one rule, leaving the likes of the Joker, the Holiday Killer, and the Ventriloquist alive and well. One might think that dealing with this amount of crazy (and an argument can be made against Batman’s own sanity) might lead Bruce Wayne to find solace in Gotham’s liquor stores, but this is where Bruce Wayne’s other (little known) rule comes to play: he doesn’t drink. As Tony Stark finds out in his comic series, drinking alcohol and saving the world don’t mix.

But what if the caped crusader did drink? What beers might we find Bruce Wayne pulling from his beer fridge in the Batcave after hanging up his cowl?

Hill Farmstead Brewery’s Birth of a Tragedy—The first beer on Batman’s bender is this lovely American porter from Vermont. Bruce would fondly remember his years fighting the evils of Gotham city with a truly dark beer that echoes both sides of his dark personality with its distinct flavors of coffee and honey. Sitting in his lounge chair in front of the raging fire, Bruce would raise his bottle to the framed photos of his parents remembering the birth of his own tragedy: Batman.

Surly Brewing Company’s Abrasive Ale—Between the words “surly” and “abrasive” and the comically drawn cartoon on the can, Bruce Wayne immediately was drawn to this canned beer; Batman is a truly abrasive character. In fact while imprisoned in the halls of Arkham Asylum, many of the rogue gallery find themselves discussing Batman’s surly nature. Beating the evildoers of Gotham into submission leaves a toll on the man behind the mask. So, after a long life of fighting, Batman soothes his gruff voice (seriously dude, cough drops) with this cold beer.

Avery Brewery’s Samaels—The namesake for this English barleywine might as well have been the Batman of the B.C. era. Samael was an important archangel from Talmudic lore. As an angel his roles often included grim and destructive duties. However, later in his “life” Samael ended up in the seventh heaven (no, not Glenn Oak, CA). So, one could argue that Samael (much like the Dark Knight) was both a good angel and an evil demon.

Brewdog’s The End of History—Bruce Wayne is a man of vast wealth. In fact, it has recently been calculated that in order to successfully be the Batman (with the cowl, the Batmobile, shark repellent and all) it would take over three million dollars. So, when Brewdog’s The End of History was recently announced, Bruce Wayne was all over it: after all, what’s $765 dollars to a billionaire? Though he would probably throw away that bizarre squirrel covering.

Smirnoff Ice—Bruce Wayne’s last beer of choice wasn’t really a beer of choice. When he returned to his fridge for the last of his bottles he discovered Alfred had replaced it with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice. Bruce, a man with a code and honor, got on one knee and chugged like a beast.

Thanks for everything, bats!

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