That’s right, folks. Two and a half years into doing the pop culture week in review for PorchDrinking, I continue to try to find ways to make the recap of this week’s entertainment news interesting and fresh. And although International Haiku Day (yes, it’s a holiday, according to the internet) isn’t for 4 more months, I think it’s time to get poetic around here. So this week’s stories of celebrity, media, and water-cooler-dom are brought to you in the form of one haiku per topic. Why? I dunno.

Enjoy!

-Prince William and Kate Middleton met Jay Z, Beyonce, and Lebron James at a Brooklyn Cavaliers game against the Cleveland Cavaliers while visiting the United States

Icons in Brooklyn

Royalty, all five of them

(Really, just the Brits)

 

-The creators of Star Wars: Episode VII released the names of the characters we met in the new trailer: Kylo Ren (three-ended lightsaber dude), Rey (speeder-bike lady), Finn (sweaty Stormtrooper dude), and Poe Dameron (X-Wing fighter guy)

Finn? Rey? Poe? Kylo?

Who gave these characters names:

Hollywood parents?

-Nominations for the Golden Globes were announced this week

Nominees? Who cares?!

Tina Fey. Amy Poehler.

The hosts make the show.

-Sons of Anarchy ended its 7 season run on FX

Farewell to SAMCRO

My message to all bikers:

Lighten up a bit

-Best Buy released a Tweet making a joke about how the podcast “Serial” reveals that a 17-year old allegedly murdered his girlfriend outside a Baltimore Best Buy in 1999

“Serial” is great

Murder is never funny

Best Buy still exists?!?!

 

-Accusers of Bill Cosby continue to come forward, and one alleged victim is now suing Cosby for defamation to get around the statute of limitations

This is just plain sad

There’s nothing funny to say

Fuck Cliff Huxtable

 

-After hackers released private e-mails, movies, and personnel date from Sony Pictures executives in an effort to shut down the release of “The Interview,” the studio suspended media access to the premieres of the film

Good news for Sony

Unreleased in this whole thing:

Executive nudes.

 

-President Obama was on one of the final episodes of the Colbert Report

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-t_SKe0qW4

Barack and Colbert

Send-off for a true legend

Yes, I mean Stephen