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Fantasy Draft List

Drew Troller

Armchair quarterbacks, it’s time to move your recliners to the porch. Nothing goes better together than football and beer —for proof, look no further than the advertisements during any football game ever. And since there’s no shame in having a cold one during a game, it stands to reason that you might as well drink beer during fantasy football too, right?

We at PorchDrinking want to bring you the ultimate online-fake-football-meets-delicious-craft-beer experience. So here, after great deliberation and collaboration with the PD staff, is the list of beers to drink during your fantasy football league’s draft (oh hey, like draft beer—get it?)

Indiana Amber

Peyton Manning

One of the biggest moves made this off-season was Manning’s decision to take his talents to Denver and play quarterback for the Broncos. He’s the greatest thing to happen to the city of Denver this year (except for the arrival of PorchDrinking.com, obviously). Expect the rest of the people in your league to want him, too; he’ll likely be an early pick. When he goes, celebrate in the way Peyton himself would. Start with an Indiana Ale—a comfortable state beer that feels like home.

Then, of course, before you can finish what has been an otherwise satisfying career beer, abruptly switch to a beer from Colorado—Left Hand’s Stranger pale ale. The people of Denver are, of course, no stranger to the legendary career of Peyton Manning. And he’s not even left-handed … but doesn’t the company logo look like someone waving goodbye to a city that’s sorry to see him go?

Andrew Luck

Of course, the Indianapolis Colts have a silver lining to losing Peyton (and losing a lot of games last year): they got Andrew Luck, the Stanford QB who proved it’s possible to be intelligent AND good at throwing a football. There’s more hype around this kid than possibly anyone else in the league. Luck is exactly what he’s going to need, and Lucky U IPA agrees—and hey, it even bears a horseshoe like the Colts logo!

Andy Dalton

The Bengals’ rookie QB amazed a lot of people last year. Who knew Irish people were good at football? I know Schweppes doesn’t make beer, but this “ale” perfectly matches Dalton’s most distinctive feature.

Michael Vick

Don’t call it a comeback … actually, feel free to. After years in prison for dogfighting, Vick had an uphill battle convincing people he deserved a second chance, and as far as anyone can tell, the guy has turned his life around and salvaged a career with a few impressive seasons in Philadelphia. The cynic in me, though, is unwilling to forget his greatest transgressions, and the beer blogger in me can’t resist the urge to make a terrible joke. So when Vick is picked in your league, crack open a beer that’s tasty, even though my humor is tasteless—Dog Days Lager from Two Brothers Brewing Co.

Ben Roethlisberger

Since we’re talking about quarterbacks with questionable legal histories … might as well bring up Miami University’s most notorious alumnus. Big Ben has won the Superbowl twice—the same number of times he’s managed to avoid conviction for sexual assault. As you enjoy this next beer after Roethlisberger is taken in your draft, remember never to trust someone who tells you to meet him and his bodyguard in a restroom. Not that I have anything against Elysian’s Men’s Room Red.

Tom Brady

Arrogant Bastard Ale. Enough said.

Tim Tebow

Now that he’s the backup for Mark Sanchez, church won’t be the only place Tim Tebow sits on a bench on Sundays. Jesus’s best buddy goes to New York. And something tells me the devout Tebow doesn’t drink much—or watch British comedies from the mid-70’s, but Monty Python’s Holy Grail Ale is the perfect match for Tebow.

Aaron Rodgers

I close with my own personal favorite NFL player. Rodgers is an exceptional leader for one of the greatest franchises in any sport. It’s hard to hate the guy, and it’s easy to love Green Bay: the city revolves around cheese, beer, and football. But if you’re in the mood for something different—way different—there’s another way to celebrate being a cheesehead without drinking beer at all.It’s a grilled cheese martini. Apparently someone decided vodka needed to be grosser, and so they put a grilled cheese sandwich in a vat of vodka for 24 hours, thus infusing the flavors. I don’t know if anyone has ever had a cheese-flavor martini and lived to tell the tale … but it exists.

I am ready for some football.

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