Moving sucks. It usually takes place starting at an ungodly hour of the morning, it involves hard physical labor, scratches and bruises, and at least one or two arguments. It also takes FOREVER. Being the loving and caring people we are, we usually invite our friends to share in this very special misery, bribing them with grand promises of delicious pizza and delectable beers. I’m going to be moving at the end of the month, so here are the beers I would bribe you with, if you were to help me. *HINT* *HINT*

Lagunitas DayTime

Coined as a “fractional” IPA, the Daytime boasts all of the dry, hoppy flavor you could hope for, while only clocking in at a 4.65% ABV. After all, I can’t have you getting wasted just yet. You might drop my records and jeopardize our friendship.

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Cigar City Florida Cracker

This 5.5% Belgian-style white ale is brewed with coriander and orange peel, and the French Saison yeast gives it a nice, dry finish. This beer is named after the Cracker Cowboys of colonial-era Florida, who were responsible for herding the large population of cows. This represents me, cracking the whip to keep you all on task.

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Stiegl Grapefruit Radler

A blend of grapefruit soda and extremely light beer, the Radler is only 2.5% ABV. Again, I can’t have you dropping my stuff. Light, crisp, and incredibly refreshing, this is a great mid-move beer, especially during those muggy summer months. Or year-round, if you live in Florida like I do.

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By this time, the move is almost done. We’re down to that last trip to collect the most random of remaining things from the old home. Everyone is exhausted, but relieved to see the end in sight. At this point, I’ll order the pizza and crack open the heavy hitters to show my sincere appreciation for all of your hard work.

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Cigar City Humidor IPA

Aged on Spanish cedar, the Humidor is one of my favorite IPAs. It’s woodsy and citrusy with a dry-but-not-bitter finish, and it’s absolutely delicious. It’s a real treat after a long day of hard work, and the 7.5% ABV is enough to ignite that warm little buzz to get the evening started properly.

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Oskar Blues G’Knight

Another one of my absolute favorite beers, the G’Knight is a dry-hopped Imperial Red IPA that boasts a big, malty backbone with plenty of hops to balance it out perfectly. The 8.7% ABV is well disguised due to the non-cloying nature of the finish.

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Terrapin Liquid Bliss

Now it’s time for a sweet ending to the day. I first tried this beer during Tampa Bay Beer Week last year, and the name is definitely appropriate. It’s part of the Terrapin Side Project series, which showcases the creative side of brewing. A chocolate peanut butter porter that is basically dry-hopped with green peanuts, it is rich, decadent, and intense in flavor. It’s a great way to thank you for all of your hard work throughout the day. Now—get out of my sweet new house so I can enjoy it in peace, will ya?

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