Hi. I think we all know there’s really only one thing I want to talk about, but for the sake of trying to pretend to care about other people’s interests, let’s get some other things first.

Jon Stewart is taking a short break this summer

“Short” in this case, is a relative term as J.Stew’s hiatus will last 3 months.  Answer to your first immediate question: No, The Daily Show will not be off for three months. Jon Oliver will fill in.  Answer to your second immediate question: Jon is leaving to direct his first feature film, “Rosewater,” the story of Maziar Bahari.  Bahari, a Canadian-Iranian journalist, was imprisoned in Iran, accused of conspiring against the government.   I will admit, this makes me a little nervous as I do not like change and it seems to be a test for Oliver to take over the seat should Stewart decide to leave permanently.  And, by all accounts, this “Rosewater” film is supposed to be…serious. Give me 2 hours of The Daily Show and I will willingly- nay! eagerly hand over my $13 to sit quietly in a large room with strangers to watch it.  I believe in Jon with all my heart and as if I actually knew him.  So I shall deem this whole situation as a good thing.  So say we all.

Mila Kunis + a British Child someone allowed to interview her = YouTube sensation

Meanwhile, Mila Kunis’s publicist’s, the junket coordinator and the film’s PR teams heads all exploded.

And that thing you know I’m super angry about- that bullshit Taylor Swift said about Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s joke at the Golden Globes

In response to the above, Taylor Swift said the following : “You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people,” Swift says. “Because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved that said, ‘There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.'”

When I first read this, I was all…

And then I swore a lot more.  Like, a LOT more.  And then I decided to be a troll.  Writing this in any sort of rational manner was very difficult, but here we go.  Girlfriend better realize that while she does have an army of fans waiting to do her bidding, Amy and Tina are actually beloved by all.  No one actively hates Tina and Amy as I they do Taylor.  But let’s take the end of the quote into consideration:

”For a female to write about her feelings, and then be portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend in need of making you marry her and have kids with her, I think that’s taking something that potentially should be celebrated — a woman writing about her feelings in a confessional way — that’s taking it and turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist.”

Taylor, its not that you write about your feelings.  It’s that the feelings and stories you decide to share with us are about how you are a clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend or how you were a clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend and you’re just not taking it anymore. And the fact that you say “potentially should be celebrated” about the thing you are supposedly doing makes me want to get all HULK SMASH up in here.

1. Don’t you think you’ve been celebrated enough? I mean, the Grammys were practically the “How Can We Make Taylor Swift Happy? Variety Hour.”  You were allowed to open the show and were assigned your own personal camera man to document the levels of happy you were throughout the night.  And how many awards (though, in my opinion, totally undeserved) have you won?

2. Are you seriously saying that YOU, Taylor Swift, should be celebrated over the first female head writer of Saturday Night Live and the creator of the Upright Citizens Brigade, the troupe that has yielded some of the greatest comedic minds of our time?   I can’t even make fun of this, it makes me so mad.  Come down off your high fucking horse and stand on the ground like a normal person.  The air is cleaner down here.  You might be able to think more clearly and not say such stupid shit.  Maybe even write one of these ‘feelings’ songs you seem to think are so important.

Lastly, let’s talk about this “women helping women” bullshit.  Amy Poehler has a YouTube channel called “Smart Girls” that celebrates women for kicking ass by being themselves.  Hello, its called “Smart Girls.”  And I am 100% serious when I say that I am tearing up a little thinking of how stupid it is that someone would ever accuse my Tina Fey of being anything less than the perfect role model for anyone, female or otherwise.  I might have had some wine before writing this.

So Taylor, before you open your big mouth again to make very large denouncements of people for very small jokes, maybe as yourself what YOU’VE done for womankind lately?  Or ever. Because the last I checked, your portrayal of being a woman is singing about how men make you feel and feigning surprise when anyone says they like you.  You’re really leading the crusade.

And whatever, you know you were checking out Michael J. Fox’s son.