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The Official 2014 World Cup Drinking Game

The Official 2014 World Cup Drinking Game
Danny King

It’s that time again. Thirty-two teams representing nations from across the world come together for one reason. To give us an excuse to drink for a month straight! Oh, and something about national pride and the glory of being crowned the greatest team in the world’s most popular sport. That too.

For the next 30 days it will be impossible to escape the World Cup. The atmosphere will be composed of atoms in the form of soccer balls. You’ll breathe, sweat, and bleed fútbol  so you might as well taste it as well with a great drinking game. Don’t be worried if the only thing you know about soccer is that it’s what David Beckham did before he became an internationally renowned underwear model. There’s no better time than now to learn the game and find people to watch it with than now. Just like in craft beer culture, the few snobs that exist are far outnumbered by the people who are looking to bring more fans into the fold.

What you need to play the World Cup Drinking Game:

1. A drink. Literally any drink will do. Your focus is on enjoying the game, not making sure you have 18 necessary items and four drink variations. In a perfect world, you’d drink a beer from the team you’re rooting for. However, we understand it might be difficult to get your hands on some brews from Greece or the Ivory Coast.

2. A team. Even if you’re the biggest die-hard fan of your country,  you still have an insane number of games on your must-watch list that your boys won’t be in. Pick them cause you like the country. Pick them cause you hate their opponent. Pick them because you think orange is an under-utilized color and the Dutch pull it off so well. Just make sure to root for someone.

That’s it! Let’s play!

  • When a player takes an obvious dive: One drink (Two if you’re Italy. Fun fact  the Italian Olympic Diving team and the Italian World Cup team are essentially the same team!).
  • When a player on your team gets a Yellow Card: Two drinks.
  • When a player on your team gets a Red Card: Four drinks.
  • When players huddle around a referee to debate a call: One drink per player in the protest huddle.
  • When a free kick is announced: Jump up and cover your groin, last person to jump takes a drink.
  • When your team scores a goal: Either pull your shirt over your head and run around the room, extend arms out like an airplane and run around the room or dive toward the nearest corner of the room (helmet may be needed) then two drinks and continue going nuts.
  • When the opposing team scores a goal: Drink for the duration of the player’s celebration. Gripe about how they are showboating jerks.
  • If you miss a penalty kick: Three drinks (mixed with tears).
  • When a goalie punts the ball: Drink until the ball touches solid ground again.
  • In case of a shootout, you should be on edge of your seat, white-knuckling it through every agonizing second that passes. Drink until your nerves die down, then follow the rules for missing penalties.
  • When any commentator or broadcaster:
    •  Flubs a Name: One drink.
    •  Refers to soccer as a religion: One drink.
    •  Mentions Pele: Two drinks.
    • Mentions the heat affecting Northern Hemisphere Teams: One drink.
    •  Mentions a player who isn’t in due to injury: One drink.
    • Mentions a player who didn’t make team: Two drinks.
    • Mentions how the current game effects the USA’s chances of advancing: One drink for Group G games. Three drinks for all other games.
  • When the Christ the Redeemer Statue is shown: One drink if the game is in Rio, three drinks when the game is anywhere else.
  • When the Official World Cup Song is Played: Two drinks.
  • When a caxirola (the official and officially banned instrument of the World Cup) is shown: One drink.
  • When a vuvuzela is shown: Two drinks.
  • When a caxirola is thrown onto the pitch: Three drinks.
  • When the Michael Jackson statue is shown: Finish your beer. Last person to do so buys next round.
  • When someone you’re watching matches with gripes about Landon Donovan throw your empties at them and make them grab you a new drink.

Remember, the ball is round. The game is 90 minutes. That’s a fact. Everything else is pure theory. Here we go!

Image Source: Yahoo Sports

Comments

  1. Allan

    That’s Officially, not Offically, up there in the title.

    Does no one proofread anymore?

  2. Jason B

    Nice work, Danny!

  3. Brittany

    Who’s her name?

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