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GABF 2016 | Our Favorite Beer Names

GABF 2016 | Our Favorite Beer Names
Mike Zoller

There were more than 3,500 beers being poured at GABF this past weekend. You probably did’t try them all. In fact you probably didn’t even stop to look at every single beer being poured at the festival. Well I definitely didn’t try all of the beers either, but I did do some extensive investigating of the beers at GABF and compiled a list of my favorite beer names.

1) Conchtoberfest

Marzen | Florida Beer Co.

Whenever I’m in the Florida Keys or the Caribbean I have to have conch fritters. When I saw there was a beer with conch in the title it was a no-brainer. You can also insert a Lord of the Flies reference here as well.

2) Razz Against the Machine

Fruit Beer | Little Machine Beer

No need to rage against the machine when you’re drinking this fruit beer that is full of raspberries. It’s a little tart but the raspberries are the star in this beer.

3) Hell Chicken

Pale Ale | Insight Brewing Co.

I love chicken but I’d be very afraid of anything that is called Hell Chicken. I’m picturing a demon bird with freaky eyes…but chickens already have creepy eyes as it is.

4) Everything Rhymes with Orange

IPA | Roughtail Brewing Co.

It doesn’t. I don’t know what else to say about this beer. But this beer name sits on a throne of lies.

5) Mmmhops

Pale Ale | Hanson Brothers Brewing Co.

Any beer that references the Hanson Brothers will make my list. To make it even better Zac Hanson himself was pouring the beer!

6) Toad Choker Barley Wine

Barley Wine | Nine Band Brewing Co.

The beer won a medal at GABF this year and got a rise out of the crowd during the awards ceremony. I have nothing else to say about this name – it’s great.

7) Monk in Public

Belgian Strong | Maize Valley Craft Brewery

We’ve all been monked in public before right? I was on Thursday night of GABF – don’t forget to eat a lot of food when drinking.

8) Don’t Pick Up Hitchhikers

Barley Wine | 350 Brewing

I love any beer that also gives sound advice. With everything that’s going on in the world you just can’t be too careful nowadays.

9) Sit Down or I’ll Sit You Down

Imperial IPA | Peticolas Brewing Co.

When a beer tells you to do something – you do it. I’m not sure how the beer would sit me down but I didn’t want to find out.

10) Chaos is a Friend of Mine

Lambic | Beachwood Blendery

This beer has a 6.5% ABV but you would never know it. Keep drinking it and chaos could easily ensue.

11) What The Helles Maibock?

Maibock | Equinox Brewing Co.

I’m not sure what Equinox is asking us here but I don’t have the answer.

12) Sex in a Canoe

Lager | Noble Rey Brewing Co.

How would sex in a canoe even work? I’m not sure, but now I kind of want to try it.

13) Basil Better Have my Honey

Spiced Beer | Low Tide Brewing Co.

They replaced bitch with basil and for some reason I found that hilarious. The beer is a unique blend of flavors that works really well.

14) Please Sir, Could I Have S’more

Red Ale | Kinetic Brewing Co.

I appreciate any literary reference in beer. I feel classier drinking it.

15) Trumps Hands IPA

Session IPA | Cannonball Creek Brewing Co.

What would the 2016 GABF be like without mention of Donald Trump? This beer also took home gold in the Session IPA category.

16) I Dunkled in My Pants

Lager/Munich-Style Dunkel | Figueroa Mountain Brewing Co.

My favorite of the entire festival. Also an award-winning beer at the awards ceremony, when announced got the largest laugh of the entire presentation.


Hold on, there’s more…

Historic Brewing | Avant-Chard (Wood – And Barrel-Aged Sour Beer)

We love puns, but an avant garde / Chardonnay pun is beyond awesome.

South Street Brewery | Slippery When Wit (Session Beer)

We’ll chalk this one to multiple plays on wit. Great way to close out some clever turn of phrases.


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  1. brian

    re: #12, Sex in a Canoe.

    pls tell me you know the origin of this phrase.

    used to describe a particularly weak brew, “sex in a canoe” is another way
    of saying the beer is “F*’ing close to water.”


    • Mike Zoller

      Had no idea! Good thing this article was just about the beer names and not the actual beer 🙂

  2. brian

    didn’t try that one at GABF, but suspect they were being ironic in the naming!

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