Posts BySeth Garland, Author at PorchDrinking.com
We all seem to have finally gotten on the same page about hating Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You”—and nothing has made me happier during these dismal days than a coordinated hatred of the most nauseating song ever written.
It’s no longer fashionable to rip on pumpkin beers, cozy-sweater-cocoa zombies or Nickelback. It’s been done. It’s worn out. Pumpkin spice is far too ubiquitous to fight any longer. The war’s been fought and to the victor go the gourd-flavored spoils. We’ve lost.
As hot girl summer slowly morphs into beer belly autumn, there are few activities more confusing to the aliens documenting our earthling lives than leaf-peeping.
For once, no one seems too bothered by the prospect of a late-spring May snowstorm. Amid this much-needed drop of moisture, Over Yonder Brewing Co. is cheerfully prepping for their 3rd anniversary party this weekend, which takes places Friday, Saturday and Sunday (May 20 – 22).
Of all the hobbies we’ve collected as humans over the pandemic, learning how to cook with a smoker might be one of the best. It’s practical, can be used for the rest of your life, makes delicious food and walks that perfect line between obsession and enthusiasm without completely depleting your bank account.
If you are in the food-smoking world, you likely have already seen a few (or a ton of) social media posts for over-the-top chili. And even if you haven’t made it yourself (yet), it’s probably high on your list. For National Chili Day, we thought it would be a perfect time to highlight this versatile cold-weather dish. Most chili recipes call for water OR beer, so you can swap out the water in your chili base for any of your favorite beers (probably wouldn’t use a Sour obviously). For this recipe, the beer of choice was 95 Nightmares Before Christmas, a Dry-Hopped Munich Lager from Fiction Beer Co.
Being a grinch has lost a little bit of its punch over the last couple of years. There’s so much to hate year-round that a good old-fashioned holiday hate-fest doesn’t seem super relevant. When you’ve got people screaming at flight attendants and beer workers, a representative government that doesn’t give a sh*t about the people it represents and the hottest new viral mutation running rampant, it seems trite to write a holiday hate piece.
And yet, here we are.
Here are six more reasons to absolutely hate the holidays this season, and six perfect beers to take the edge off while you find another stupid hiding spot for your Elf on a Shelf.
There’s something in the air today. Airborne disease? Probably. Pollution? Definitely — but there’s also something less tangible. Maybe it’s the godforsaken time change that turns early afternoon into pitch-black night for those of us living north of the 37th parallel.
Maybe it’s existential dread hanging over all of our heads like poorly (and prematurely) hung misletoe — inviting us in for a germ-filled kiss of death to kick off the holiday season. Or maybe it’s just a head cold.
There’s a lot to love about the changing of the seasons. But then again, is there? Oh you love fall colors? Come over and clean up my leaves in November. You love the little nip in the air, do ya? Well get ready for flu season. You just LOVE you some pumpkin spice? Tell that to the child laborers who sweat away in the pumpkin spice mines for pennies on the dollar.
Fall does bring about some tasty beers — or at least we associate certain tasty beers with fall. Wet Hop beers, Pumpkin (not that there’s anything wrong with that) beers and certain Stouts are only released in fall, so that makes sense.
Have you ever been on a diet, but all of your friends are like master chefs or legitimate barebecue pitmasters? That’s kind of what it’s like working for PorchDrinking while you’re taking a brief break from beer. Trying to rest your weary liver while looking at what this crew’s been drinking over the past week is no easy feat.
So join me this week as we drink vicariously through the PorchDrinking team in this week’s What We’re Drinking.
Over Yonder Brewing Co. in Golden, CO recently celebrated their first and second anniversary this year. The brewery had one big, mega-bash to make up for lost time over the lockdown in 2020. As a brewery that feeds off music and crowd energy almost as much as they do creating new beers, it’s been an exciting 2021.
Part of their efforts to welcome back music includes live streaming Phish shows on the big screen with Paige McConnell banging away on the D6 clavinet during some of the slinkier Phish grooves (e.g. Sand, Moma Dance, etc.). This is where Over Yonder came up with the name of their fan (and brewer) favorite beer, D6 IPA.
It’s September. Instead of posting “Wake Me Up When September Ends” memes, fans have taken to the internet to remind people that the song is no laughing matter, and therefore, unmemeable. It’s about Billie Joe Armstrong’s father dying of cancer when he was 10. Sad. Because sadness is most of what the internet is used for these days.
What an age we live in where armchair social media dentists, pet experts, virologists, doctors, child psychologists and parenting experts can get together and combine their collective powers to suck the last remaining joy out of posts with dogs, babies, dogs and babies, or basically anything involving… anything <breathes in, breathes out>. It’s noon somewhere, as they say, and I clearly need to have a beer and chill. Here are some of the excellent beers the PorchDrinking crew’s been gettin’ at this week.
Did your favorite beer festival get f**king cancelled again this year? If things don’t turn around quickly, we’re looking at another winter with a lot of time on our hands inside. But let’s look on the bright side of life *whistles Monty Pythonically* — there’s more time to get really intimate with a new six-pack and find a new favorite beer.
Hopefully we don’t need it, but just in case we do, here’s a list of six fairly underrated websites to help kill boredom, and six awesome beers to pair with them.
I wish every time I sat down to write one of these, the world wasn’t literally and figuratively on fire. But here we are. The smoke from the fires in the Northwest are finally leaving Colorado, taking Denver off of the “world’s most polluted cities” list finally. And best of all, football season is back.
Sure it’s predicted to be a harsh, cold winter. Sure, the delta variant is about to wreck everyone’s plans for fall. Tropical storms, tornados, fires, earthquakes — you name it, earth’s got it. So if you need an excuse to drink a beer before noon on a Friday, you’re not really paying attention. Whatever time it is where you are, crack open a beer with us and see what the PorchDrinking team’s been sipping on to make it through the end of summer.
Half the country’s flooding, the other half’s either melting into the ocean or on fire. Not a day goes by when I don’t hear about some jackass delaying a flight or getting kicked off a plane. Condos are collapsing on one coast, record heat waves are draining the other. If I didn’t live through the summer of 2020, I might put this summer high in the running for shittiest summer ever.
But since we have the perspective to be able to say “hey at least it’s not 2020,” let’s go ahead and crack open a beer, take a deep breath and see what the PorchDrinking team’s getting into in this week’s What We’re Drinking.
Halfway through the year already, folks. Get ready for three months of crazy tourist traffic as you try to casually get a table at your favorite local restaurant, brewery or bar. The beercation is making a comeback as people are thirsty to make up for lost time! But it’s okay if you still prefer to drink in the comfort of your home/sweatpants.
Here are some tasty brews to consider while you adjust to life on the outside again; this is What We’re Drinking.
With the deadline for this article looming and no fresh beer in the fridge, it seemed to be a good chance to round up some of the forgotten-about beers lying around the house and give them a new chance at life. We all have them: beers we got as gifts that aren’t our usual style; leftovers from a party ca. 2019; a few dusties that got buried in the garage fridge; treasures that grew legs and hid themselves out of sight.
Wherever they come from, and for whatever reasons they remain shelved, it’s time to give some love to the forgotten fridge beers as we clear out some space for summer sippin’.
LUKI Brewery in Arvada, Colo. has been open just a bit over 10 months now. In terms of our current relationship with time/space, that’s more or less an eternity. As Jefferson County gave its businesses the “all clear,” LUKI and owner/head brewer Jeff Smith now have their first opportunity to pack the big top to capacity.
What better way to kick pandemic restrictions to the curb and start summer off than with a crisp, subtly sweet, lime-tinged Mexican Lager?
But there was to be no party. No live music. No guests. At the very beginning of the most restrictive lockdown in Colorado’s pandemic plight, OYB was dealt a tough hand for any brewery — let alone a brand-new brewery that was still trying to get its footing.
For all of you who are excited about the CDC’s new mask guidance, slow your roll. I’m glad you’re excited, Mr. “I haven’t developed a third COVID chin,” but some of us were really enjoying having a covered face. I guess I’ll just start washing my whole face again…maybe start shaving again. I dunno, it’s a whole new damn world.
There’s plenty of reason to celebrate this week, obviously, and the PorchDrinking team never fails to deliver. Crack open whatever you’ve been holding onto for a special occasion and check out this week’s What We’re Drinking.
It’s been a tough week, so the best I can come up with is someone else’s words. But on the other hand, you have different fingers (Steven Wright). Anyway, we’ve got warm weather beers, cold weather beers, in-between beers, IPAs, Stouts, adorable pups and a whole lot more in this week’s What We’re Drinking.
“It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like to have more money. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.”
– Jack Handey
Spring imposes upon the world a level of uncertainty that’s both invigorating and maddening. With this uncertainty comes a full spectrum of desires; wet snow convinces the palate that we must drink a heavy Stout. Fresh, sunny days inspire us to seek out something a bit lighter and crisper.
The changing of seasons can make one reflect on getting a bit older as well. I used to be an extremely cynical youth. I started shaving my head at an early age — by the time I wanted to grow it back, I couldn’t. I was rocking the full Jean-Luc Picard by age 28. I also started feeling a bit more self-conscious about my physique.